Chemical Confusion
Tian unlocked and slowly opened the front door of her house, stepping through and looking around as if searching for boobytraps. Then she turned and opened the door wider, allowing Akira, Seita, Jun and Mana to walk through.
“Please excuse the mess,” Tian said, motioning everyone through the entryway and into the hallway. “Mom and I have both been busy, and cleaning the house is kinda low on our to-do list!”
“Don’t worry about it,” Mana said, “Jun’s house is worse than this when everyone’s busy!”
“I really appreciate this,” Jun said gratefully, “Ever since one of the TAs blew up Minami Academy’s chemistry lab, our class has been scrambling to get our assignments done elsewhere while the repairs are going on. Most of the university labs are already full!”
“Wow, that’s rough,” Tian remarked.
“So when we found out that your mom has a lab in the basement, of all places, we just had to come see it!” Mana concluded.
Tian led everyone down a flight of stairs and into a large basement room. She flipped a switch and light filled the room, revealing two long lab benches. One bench was stacked with glassware: beakers, flasks and cylinders all in varying states of use. The other bench was completely clean.
“You can guess which spot Mom uses most often,” Tian said wryly, walking toward the empty bench. Jun and Mana followed and placed their bags on the smooth surface.
“This is so cool!” Jun said, looking around the room with excitement.
“Just let me know what chemicals you need,” Tian said, gathering up clean glassware and tools and placing them on the benchtop. “Mom has a stash of them in her pantry - if you’re using it in class, she probably has it!”
Jun rattled off a list of chemicals as Tian walked over to the pantry door. It was sealed shut with a number pad in place of a lock. She entered in a string of numbers, then turned the handle, but the door didn’t open.
Tian raised an eyebrow, then entered in the numbers again. The door, meanwhile, remained stubbornly sealed.
“Wrong password?” Akira asked.
“Mom must have changed it recently…” Tian murmured, pulling out her phone. “I hate to bother her right now, but this is pretty important, so…”
She was silent as she tapped a button on her phone and listened, then tapped another button, enabling the speakerphone option.
“This is Odaiba Specialty Chemicals,” a bored-sounding woman said. “How may we help you?”
“I’d like to speak to Dr. Shu, please,” Tian replied, “Is she still there? This is her daughter speaking.”
“Ah, Tian!” The woman immediately perked up. “Your mom just walked into the main lab a minute ago! Just a moment. Please hold.” There was a shuffling noise as the receptionist got up from her desk, then an oddly-catchy tune played through the receiver. Tian absently bobbed her head in time to the hold music until it suddenly cut off, revealing faint background noises.
“Dr. Shu,” the receptionist said faintly, “Tian is on the phone wanting to talk to you-”
She was interrupted by an abnormally loud “BOOM” that rattled the speaker.
Jun and Mana jumped in surprise. Tian put a hand to her face and groaned, while Akira laughed heartily.
“Yep... that’s her, all right!” she said.
“What in the world?” Mana asked.
“This is… Tian’s... mom?” Jun asked shakily.
Seita chuckled. “This is Tian’s mom.”
When the speaker cleared, there was a faint shouting in the background. “All right, who switched the potassium permanganate with hydrazine? We’re trying to oxidize polymers here, not blow ourselves up!” There was a loud crash that sounded like breaking glass, then the voice spoke up again. “Did someone call me?”
Tian sighed.
Moments later, Taira Shu’s voice crackled through the phone as she gave Tian the new password to her chemical pantry.
“Have fun,” she said, “And don’t burn the house down before I get home!”
Tian laughed shakily. “Yeah. Okay.” She ended the call and threw back her head, closing her eyes. “Why are we so crazy?” she demanded to the ceiling.
“It could be worse,” Jun said, smiling. “We actually could burn the house down before she gets home!”
“Ugh.” Tian punched in the new password and the pantry door popped open. She reached into a shelf chock full of chemicals and started handing sealed jars and containers to Jun and Mana.
“All right,” Mana said, carrying the chemicals to the lab bench. “Let’s get started!”
Tian smiled and as she was closing the door to the pantry, another chemical caught her eye. She opened the door wider and stared at a jar of bright yellow crystals. She took a moment to admire them, until her gaze drifted to the label on the jar.
PICRIC ACID
Tian’s eyes widened, and she slowly backed away from the pantry. “Nononono… Crap…” she murmured. Then she swallowed and raised her voice.
“Hey guys!”
Everyone looked up from the lab bench. “What’s up?” Akira asked.
“We need to leave,” Tian said seriously, “Right now.”
“What?” Jun asked in confusion as Tian herded them away from the basement. “Why?”
“Don’t ask, just go!” Tian said frantically.
They ran up the stairs and out of the house. When they were all situated on the front lawn, Tian pulled out her phone and tapped a button.
“Are you calling your mom, or the bomb squad?” Akira asked, understanding completely.
Tian made a face, then turned her attention back to her phone. She went through the typical receptionist rigamarole, then finally got a hold of her mom.
“Hi, Mom!” she said sweetly. “You have a jar of dried picric acid in your pantry!” She listened for a moment, then her expression grew livid.
“WHY?”
She listened to her mom’s stammered explanations. “Okay, fine. Fine! But we can’t keep it! Are you going to handle the bomb squad, or me?”
She listened further, then concluded, “All right. See you when you get home.”
She ended the call, then threw back her head, letting out an inarticulate yell. “Why are we so crazy?” she demanded to the sky.
Jun and Mana looked at each other, and Jun tentatively spoke up. “It could be worse, you know. We could-”
“No, don’t say it!” Tian snapped.
Notes:
I originally wrote part of this scene to emphasize the fact that both Tian and her mother have to babysit incompetent chemists on a regular basis. And that Tian eventually has to babysit everyone, including her mom!
Geek notes: Potassium permanganate is a strong oxidizing agent, while hydrazine is literally rocket fuel. Don't ask me why an industrial chemical plant would have rocket fuel. Also, picric acid is as explosive as TNT when it’s a dry solid. Don’t ask me why Tian’s mom would have it in her home lab.